Friday, July 14, 2006

It's The End..Believe Me...

What a hectic week i had and there won't be much changes for the following weeks for i had lots of assignments dateline to meet as well as midterms. I definately need a break, a Kit-Kat will never do me right. A sleepless night although i'm in an exhaustion mode after finishing the financial statement analysis assignment. Now i finally realized, by keeping myself busy is the only way to keep me away from all the sorrow and pain i feel inside.

Hesitated for quite sometime whether or not to blog on this issue. You are going to get the picture as i'm here blogging after a deep thought on how to express the feeling i had inside. Though i'm not ready yet to see the expressions and the words of care flooding me just like the last once. But i'm not going into details.Been having a hard time dealing with my emotions especially in this assignment season. I would be yelling over the phone, having no patience whenever i'm talking even with my parents and the situation get worse when i have not enough of sleep. What a big fluctuation as i'm no person like that. Where have all my patience gone?

I think someone has taken it away from me without me realizing when he left me so helplessly and lost in the realm of reality. And i have the most unforgettable april fool that i will never ever forget in my life. Leaving me with all the confusion, questioning from all of the people around us over the shit you've left behind to me. I would have to say that ending this relationships so abruptly is not the right way of managing it. So don't start one when you have not figure out the ways to manage! How can you manage your business, company or even life when you can't manage a relationship well.

Forcing myself to be strong and cheerful in front of friends and family. It's definately not okie to be weak. Why can't i just cry when i want to, scream if i want to, collapse if i want to! Someone that saw me gone through this shitty life over the years told me that i do not deserve to be treated with such cruelty and hurt so badly.He adviced me to take that this happened for the best and that everything starts off new-without him this time. Do you ever ask yourself questions like: Have you really cared for someone more than you expected? Have you ever tried to love him/her despite of all the pain?Have you??

Talked over the phone with a lady whom i respect and love dearly this afternoon and her advices had brought me back to the blue moods, reminiscing over what had happened, i started to feel the pain for i have numbed myself to be feelingless for the past few months. I thought i've healed over time unconciously but that just proved me wrong. So wrong that it hurts even more to reach at an extreme. Ending the conversation with tears welled up in my eyes.
The Last: Kiss - KLIA 4th Feb 2006 ,Hug- KLIA 4th Feb 2006 but when will be the last tear i would ever drop for you? I wonder.

Kisses for the time spent, Roses for the passion invested, Memories for the sweet memories, Goodbye to the passion and time as you're feeling it as a torture.

True love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart. My heart was shattered like hundreds and thousands pieces of glasses leaving me with a low self-esteem that i can hardly gain over the years. Now i have to start struggling from the very beggining to be able to stand with my own feets again. Wondering when i can meet someone that is willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so i could be whole again. I really do wonder. With teary eyes, i'm putting an end for my past and entering into a mature phase.

p/s: It's good to care but not to ask cause i'm totally blur as well. I'm such a loser! So don't ever ask me why! I've had enough of that. I need no questions in my life anymore when i have tons of them in my mind. Sorry for have to share this sad entries but i just want to make myself clear that i will not commenting on this issue anymore. So please not to be cruel to me! For those who's being there for me whenever i need someone to talk to, sorry for the inconvenience caused and thanks for listening to me and giving me some different point of view. You guys and gals are the reason i am still blogging here, i would have to say you all rock my world! I know you all will not want to see anymore sad entries from me, that's what i'm getting back from you guys and gals. I'll do my very best for that and i need sometime to be Me again~

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey gal....
its me, ly :>
jz wanted 2say take care....i'm always here if u ever need 2tok k... life is full of mysteries... shattered dreams n hopes.... bt thru all these trials n challenges n pain.... i hope u (n me2 ;p)... will emerge a stronger person.... to face the world with confidence.... knowing tat we r special n unique n beautiful....

* Keep Smiling! *
:)

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm... i bet u'll grow stronger...
cheers for life! from theSun reporter

5:31 PM  
Blogger Arco said...

Let's move on gals..been hearing alot of stories from my friends ( all gals ) that is experiencing the same shitty things and some were and yet they are still now..thanks for those who care..i appreciate that..*live life to the fullest* treat yourself better..

10:33 PM  
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6:51 AM  
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7:46 AM  

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